We headed out, not sure where we were going, but I knew that I wanted to take some pictures as the hoar frost was thick and the sky was bright and blue. We headed up to the river to see what we could see, and I was snapping pictures all along the way.
The sun was warm and my thoughts began to flow from one thing to the next. And I could hear the soundtrack to this walk start up. And the longer we walked the louder the song got and I began to sing:
Gonna sing you an old country song from the heart
So I can cry your name and call you when I'm sad
When you have gone, run so far from me in the trees so far
Walkin' down that old country lane, drops of rain
Call upon the ones who call your name
Will I see you again and please just come on back home to me
So I'm not all alone
Gonna sing you an old country song, from the heart
From the strings of this old rusty guitar
And the walk turned into a meditation on loss and love and how it feels to have your heart still ache three years later. I will always wonder what lesson I am supposed to be learning from Bob's death. The wounds are still so raw and I don't know that I will ever be able to move away from the pain. Why did he leave us all so suddenly and why are we still hanging on?
I cried as I walked and let the tears ease my ache. I was glad for the company of a stubborn dog who refuses my affection, but watches me vigilantly.
It is a beautiful day and while I wish I was spending it in Bobby's garage, I have to make the most of it without him.